A bunch of conservative guerito Republican types are getting the creeps with all of the Latino population growth in the U.S. Tu sabes, they say Latinos aren’t assimilating, they don’t want to learn English, they watch soccer on Univision, they still eat too much carne guisada, yada, yada. Hey, Chisme can go intellectual and point to scholarly studies like the ones put out by the Pew Hispanic Center that say by third generation nearly 100 percent of Latinos are so Americanized that when they visit Mexico the first words out of their mouths are, “Dude, like, are so many of the people here, like, totally poor?”

Basically, (a word Mexicans use when they want to sound smart, or so says comedian George Lopez), Chisme doesn’t have to go intellectual. He can just stick to basic facts, basically. Hey, do the conservative gueritos who yak on talk radio and are freaking out about all of the Mexicans have any idea how much Latinos love Chinese food. It’s true, and if you live in the Rio Grande Valley, you know Chisme is on point about this basic contention, basically.

The other day Chisme was making a vuelta around Brownsville’s Sunrise Mall and almost fell out of the driver’s seat of his Dodge Neon. They’re opening a Chinese place at the mall, and I’m not just talking a casita in the food court. I’m talking a full-fledged restaurant with front doors and everything. I know, I know you’re probably thinking what I was thinking when I saw this joint going up - otra! Yep, another Chinese food place, just what Brownsville and the Valley needs.

Hey, Chisme isn’t knocking Chinese. I wouldn’t put an eggroll above a papa con huevo breakfast taco on my sophisticated palate, but I wouldn’t turn down one of those suckers either. It’s just that Chisme thought Brownsville was well-covered on the Chinese food front with that fancy palace on the expressway in the middle of the city’s restaurant row on the expressway. Then if you go to Harlingen, Chisme’s unofficial census reports that there are more Chinese places than Tex-Mex food joints. It’s crazy!

And then if you go to McAllen, the Mexican chocantes over there love Chinese, too. There’s like a Chinese place every half mile on 10th Street in the city Othal Brand built.  Then at the HEBs where the ricos shop in the Valley, they all have sushi counters now with dudes slicing up raw fish. Chisme isn’t sure if that’s Chinese or Japanese, but it sure ain’t Mexican, pardner.

Chisme remembers when he once worked with a local gal named Elvira, who was born and raised in Southmost and Latina to the core, and observing that this lovely lady wolfed down Chinese whenever possible. One day, Chisme asks, `Elvira, hey, aren’t you eating too much of that stuff?” To which, she responded, `Have you ever tasted the stuff? It’s so good!’

Case closed. Latinos are so getting thrown into the American blender that they can’t get enough Chinese. I don’t know when that new Chinese joint is opening at the mall, pero Chisme will be there opening week with all of the excited raza, filling up the place. Another new restaurant! Donde? At the mall, it’s Chinese! Otra!? Yep, I’ll meet you there, basically, at noon.

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