Hey, all you Mexican immigrants in Oklahoma, go home vatos. You’re about to inflict a civil war on the good folks of Okie-homa. It’s true. While you guys have been quietly working to build houses, make golf courses look good with your landscaping talents, and cleaning hotel rooms, it turns out that you’ve made the locals so mad that they’re forecasting dark, dangerous things to come.

Some dude named Dan Howard who hosts a radio progam - and Chisme is not making this up - called “Outraged Patriots,” told MSNBC some bad things are going to happen if you Mexicans don’t leave.

“A lot of people believe there is civil war on the horizon,” Howard warned.

Man, this is serious. Apparently, there didn’t use to be any Mexicans in Tulsa, maybe Oklahoma since Chisme is not that familiar with Baja Texas. Now, there’s something like 40,000 Mexican/Hispanics/Latinos in Tulsa, a city of 380,000, and some of the gueritos don’t like it, not to mention the outraged patriots.

So, here’s Chisme advice: Mexicans go home. Let the gueritos there in Tulsa build their own homes, do their own drywalling, do their own yards and golf courses, and all of the other vital grunt work you guys do so well. A ver si pueden. Remember that movie “A Day Without Mexicans?” It showed what happened in LA and Southern Cal when Mexicans just disappeared for a day and all the gueritos panicked when they didn’t you  have Mexicans do stuff for them. So Chisme says make Oklahoma a state without Mexicans.

Make Baja Texas Mexican-free. Go home or go to New Mexico or Montana o donde quiera, but get out of Oklahoma. Take your soccer games at the park, pinatas and Latin pop music somewhere. You’re like, totally freaking out the gueritos of Tulsa.

“That whole part of the city has become a miniature Juarez or Tijuana or whatever you want to call it,” a guy named Gary Rutledge told MSNBC about east Tulsa. See what I mean? This is the stuff civil wars are made of in Baja Texas. You outrage one patriot, and pretty soon, they’re all mad about something.

Sheriff Thin Skinned, a.ka. Omar Lucio, is whining again about the media. Hey, we’re all in the public domain, so whine away. Lucio is notorious for this sort of thing. He claims to be a 24/7 sheriff, but gripes when reporters call him at home or weekends, all of which is standard operating procedure for police chiefs, mayors, and city managers, and the like.

That Chisme knows about, just about all of these public officials accept that as part of their jobs. They signed up for duty. But not Sheriff Thin Skinned. A few years back, Lucio complained to The Herald because a reporter called him on a Saturday while he was on his way to church. Ay, pobrecito.

Remember when this sheriff, right after getting elected sheriff a second time, begged and pleaded for a 24 percent raise because he’s so hard-working and is on duty 24-7. Not once during the 2004 campaign did Lucio say that the sheriff’s salary was an issue. Pero se mete in office, y que? He pleads for a big raise and he gets it, of course, thanks to the courthouse cronies.

Latest from Lucito: He whined in Sunday’s Herald about `tabloid-style journalism.’ And what gets Lucio’s goat this time? El sheriff says the media’s coverage, i.e. Herald, of the Mark Yates arraignment was overblown, and that it was wrong to suggest that the county auditor’s arrest was staged to make Mr. Yates look bad.

The 24/7 sheriff says it’s wrong to accuse his office of trying to make look Yates look bad by parading him out of his office, and then dressing him in an orange jump suit before a local judge. Then comes the `tabloid journalism’ bit.

Hey 24-7 sheriff, here’s how it works, buddy: A prominent public official is arrested after he is charged with a crime. The local media covers it. Some of this official’s supporters and friends don’t like the way their guy was treated. The county judge and the auditor’s attorney also question the same. Some of those comments are included in the stories concerning the Yates matter.

That’s not `tabloid journalism,’ 24/7 sheriff. That’s basic reporting, of the type that goes on everyday in newspapers everywhere. You’d think Lucio would be thinking less of providing apt descriptions of journalism and tending more to his re-election. The 24/7 sheriff commands so much respect that he has, what, eight dudes running against him?

Think of the tabloid journalism still to come in that crowded field.

This is a hoot. Brownsville’s new mayor wants a hike in PUB bills. Yes, the same Pat Ahumada who griped all the time in recent years about how the big, bad developers and other sinister local beings were out to raise the utility bills of working men and women of Brownsville.

Now, new Mayor Pat is proposing to add $3 monthly in PUB bills - not because energy bills are going up - but because his mayorship wants the dough to pay, in part, for pet evacuations in the event of an emergency. You see, new Mayor Pat is a real animal lover, God bless him, so you ought to pay a few extra bucks a month so Fifi and Rover can get out of Dodge quicker if the Big One is coming this way.

Chisme wonders what new Mayor Pat’s old buds think of this, the ones that put up those big signs all over town saying, `Stop The Insanity! Mayor Trevino and all of his flunkies on the city commisson, please stop raising our utility bills!”

And now Mayor Pat wants to do the same. Ah yes, life with Mayor Pat won’t be boring. Two weeks in office, and the guy is all over the place, proposing stuff and getting on the front page, like moth to a light, the guy loves the attention.

President Bush granted an act of amnesty on Monday to his vice president’s most trusted aide and great friend, Lewis `Scooter’ Libby. Scooter’s was facing an imminent 30-month federal prison sentence after being found guilty in March of four felony counts.

Bush thought the sentence was excessive, even if it followed standard federal sentencing guidelines and was issued by an experienced federal jurist who was appointed by a Republican president. So, the president gave Scooter amnesty, commuting his sentence so VP Cheney’s most trusted aide and best friend won’t have to spend a day in prison.

Chisme wonders: What part of breaking the law and being found guilty does the president not understand? In other words, it’s something of a variation of `the what part of illegal don’t you understand’ mantra so often heard from the nationalists and immigration restrictionists when it came to rejecting all possibilities of forgiveness for immigrants entering the country illegally.

Let’s see. Under present law, entering the country illegally as a first offense is a mere misdemeanor under civil law, but the nationalists and restrictionists said we can never, ever, never, ever forgive a single immigrant for breaking the law, (a misdemeanor), no matter what they do later, no matter how hard they work, contribute to the country with the payment of taxes, etc.

Now, comes Scooter, a convicted felon under federal law, and yet many of the same nationalists and restrictionists are praising Bush for giving Scooter a break and granting him amnesty. Guess it depends if the criminal in question wears nice suits and is a great friend of the White House vs. some guy in jeans putting up dry walls in a new house, or a chamber maid cleaning hotel rooms.

Oh well, Scooter is OK. Yes, he lied to federal prosecutors under oath and was convicted for obstruction of justice. But, the Scooter isn’t a danger to our national identity as a nation, and you won’t find him shopping at a Wal-Mart in Georgia and speaking Spanish and freaking out the locals.

So give the boy amnesty. Now he can go work for some right-wing think tank in Washington and give $25,000 speeches at nice hotels where all of the hired help won’t ever see the sort of generosity old Scooter got from his boys at the White House.