The McCain & Palin ticket is slipping in many national and state pollls, so time for the Republicans to call in the cavalry two weeks before Election Day.

Yep, time to cast Obama & the Dems as being extremists, leftists, un-American, latte-sipping elites who support gay marriage and want to take away your guns. The usual Republican spin - tried and tested since the days of Nixon and the 1968 election - has an addendum in 2008, or shall we say a new cast of characters that rival the Village People of 1970s fame.

We’re talking Joe The Plumber, Bob The Bricklayer, Jeannie The Cosmetologist, Terri The Nurse, and the assorted other everyday Americans that McCain & Palin are coming up with as they campaign in “Real America.” Obama, to be sure, has often mentioned the occupations average Americans hold, but has yet to give them specific nicknames as have his Republican opponents.

Palin, Sarah, the GOP’s vice presidential pick, has taken particular joy in coming up with the nicknames as she barnstorms around the pockets of “pro-America” she has designated as being the most patriotic communities in our land. Palin, Sarah, has interchanged the use of “Real America,” and “pro-America,” and I’m not sure what’s the difference. In the world of Palin, Sarah, it’s small towns that are the “Real America,” where people grow our crops, fund our governments with their taxes, send sons and daughters off to wars, and gosh darn it, do the everyday things that keep our country going.

Growing up in a small town myself, (although one in South Texas, which I’m not sure is “Real America” in the world of Palin, Sarah), I see where the Alaska governor is going with this narrative. My grandfather was a farmer, (check), my parents worked hard and never made more than a combined $25,000 yearly and still paid all of their taxes, (check), and one of my uncles was in the Army and was a Texas A&M Aggie even before they let girls and gays into that great university, (check, check).

I get it. But I have to wonder about something. How does someone named Palin, Sarah, who is going around the country dishing out nicknames for everyday Americans, and trying to make us scared of a guy named Barack, name her kids Track, Trig, Willow and Piper? Strange. When I was growing up, there were kids all around me with typical American names,. You know, Jesus, Blanca, Balde and Letty, so when I heard what Gov. All-America named her children, I was, like, `Dude, really?’

Maybe it’s just me, I thought, so of course, I did extensive research, (a Google search), and came up one Pamela Satran, the co-author of the book, “The Baby Name Bible.” I was relieved to know that Ricardo from Edinburg, Tx., wasn’t the only American baffled by what Palin, Sarah had named her kids.

“In my 20 years in the field, and after writing nine baby-naming books, I have to say (she) stumped the master,” Satran told the New York Daily News. “I’ve never heard of those (names).”

After I read Satran’s comments, my faith in all-American Palin, Sarah, was a bit shaken. So, it was a relief to read that since McCain named Palin, Sarah to be his VP, the oft-described hottest guv in America has gone on a shopping spree. What could be more American than loving to shop? And, sweet Track of mine, we ain’t kidding. In one shopping jaunt alone, Palin, Sarah, and/or her campaign aides, spent $75,000 at a Neiman-Marcus in Minneapolis, which must have been right before she made a big splash in that city at the GOP convention, where she told big city folk to stick it during her acceptance speech.

Now, spending $75,000 for clothes is three times more than my folks made in any one year, and in all of her years of working at a Haggar pants factory, I doubt if my Mom made a pair of slacks that cost over $75. So, having the modest first name that I do possess, it’s hard to get my mind around spending $75K in one shopping trip. But that’s not all. In all, Palin, Sarah has spent $150,000 to clothe and accessorize herself, along with making sure Track, Trig, Willow and Piper are looking good.

And don’t forget Palin, Sarah’s oft-described `hunk’ husband Todd, (what, Rock was taken?). He has also tapped into the clothing slush fund provided by the Republican National Committee. Oh, yea, almost forgot to mention that Palin, Sarah also spent $5,000 last month on her hair, makeup and nails, putting her right up there with Hilton, Paris.

Taking a wild guess here, but I’m going to guess Palin, Sarah didn’t take along Bob The Bricklayer and Jeanne The Cosmetologist when she shopped galore at Neiman-Marcus. Nope, they were probably over at Wal-Mart with their kids Bobby, Mike, Mary and Laura, as they dreamed what could be if their names were only Track, Trig, Willow and Piper.

You  betcha.

- R.D. Cavazos

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